I usually hate getting mountains of jokes by email, but received this today and had a laugh:
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary......
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
I really liked this one!
Moderator: FurBaby
- Bender
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I really liked this one!
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” – Henry David Thoreau
- Fat Bob
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Re: I really liked this one!
Like!
"Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life" ...Cecil Rhodes.
Poppy Appeal
Poppy Appeal
Re: I really liked this one!
Nice! Pretty accurate characterization of cats!
- daffodil
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Re: I really liked this one!
The only thing I'd disagree with is the "hash and dry nuggets" bit.
Don't know too many cats that have that kind of diet - one of my mates feeds hers premium steak* every day!
* or something bloody
Don't know too many cats that have that kind of diet - one of my mates feeds hers premium steak* every day!
* or something bloody
Taurus...loyal friend and dedicated enemy.
- Morrolan
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Re: I really liked this one!
oldi, but still good...
- Fat Bob
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Re: I really liked this one!
That's what you hear all the girls say....Morrolan wrote:oldi, but still good...
"Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life" ...Cecil Rhodes.
Poppy Appeal
Poppy Appeal